Orthodox Birthday

Glory to Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Brothers and sisters of the Orthodox Church, the one holy, catholic, apostolic Church, I welcome you to my reflection on what I have learned as an Orthodox Christian over the past year. I was Chrismated on December 17, 2023, at the beautiful Holy Trinity parish in Portland, ME. Today being my new birthday, which is exactly 6 months after my earthly birthday (oddly enough) I write this hoping to inspire many others on their spiritual journey with Christ.

To say that this journey has changed my life would be quite an understatement. I’ve already talked extensively about what I went through becoming an Orthodox Christian in previous blogs. So thankfully, we don’t have to revisit any of that. This reflects my personal experience of being an Orthodox Christian for a year now. I would love to start this off with a quote from the Book of Jeremiah 1:4-5 “Then the word of the LORD came unto me, saying, Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.”

Wow. Every time I read this I cannot help but to feel this tightening in my chest. God spoke directly to Jeremiah, telling him that He knew and sanctified him before he was even conceived. God knew exactly what Jeremiah would accomplish on Earth and when he would accomplish it. The reason this always made me nervous is simply because it feels like an existential pressure on me. You’re telling me the God who created the entire universe, and all within it, foreknew me? Not only did He know me before I existed, but knew His plan for me? That’s an insane amount of pressure for anyone willing to accept such responsibility. Saint Maximus the Confessor, my favorite Saint to read, or try to anyway, talks about this concept more in-depth. The “logoi”, in layman’s terms, is the divine volitions that God placed within us before our conception, and to the extent of which we submit ourselves to His divine will, dictates the extent we experience these divine volitions. Essentially, the more we choose to submit ourselves to His will, the more of His will we can accomplish. Or as Saint Silouan puts it, “God’s gifts go hand in hand with a man’s aesthetic striving, and when God foreknows that man will relate to His gift as he should, then this gift is bestowed without stint.” Now to clarify, none of this should be confused with “pre-destination” of course, because Jeremiah had to make the definitive choice to obey God. Jeremiah’s obedience allowed him to experience the logoi which was operative in him. The logoi moves and directs us in such a manner that is pleasing to God through the fulfillment of His will. You’ll have to read Saint Maximus more on your own time to fully grasp this concept. But this goes for all of us. This concept didn’t make complete sense to me until I started to experience it on my own. I started experiencing more of this divine plan for me once I started submitting myself to Christ and His Church. This began immediately upon my partaking in the Holy Mysteries of the Chruch (sacraments). This is the easiest way to begin a proper submission to God, through the Holy Mysteries which He gave to us to partake in. I had reached a point in my life where I had accomplished so much in the business world, yet I still felt pretty empty on the inside. I was beginning to feel confused. I started to second guess myself, my work, and honestly, I started to experience a form of depression that hadn’t plagued me for quite some time. I didn’t really know where to turn anymore without hearing the same nonsensical and insufficient regurgitations from those adjacent to me in business. I was sick of it. I had a clear decision to make at that time and it hit me pretty hard in the chest. I could either keep attempting to figure this out on my own and end up right back where I started or, I could completely submit myself to Christ and let Him take the wheel. Thankfully, I chose to submit to Christ.

I had a million questions at first when I had first started. There is more information online about Orthodoxy now then there ever has been. I took full advantage of that which unfortunately sometimes ended up confusing me even more than I was before. I became completely consumed into “internet Orthodoxy” due to my obsessive nature. Thankfully, I have an amazing spiritual father who was quick to correct me on this topic. Basically, the best thing for me to do at that time was to study the basics of the Church and just to submit myself to Christ and let Him work through me. I started to realize rather quickly that once I stopped allowing myself to be consumed in what I call “fringe topics” (topics unrelated to salvation), and focused more on my personal spiritual journey, that I actually started to feel better. That crippling anxiety I had as someone who is an extremely dedicated and obsessive performer in all aspects of my life, suddenly started to disappear. I also noticed that during my prayers how much calmer I felt, how much more present I became. Liturgy for me started transforming into this completely spiritual rejuvenation for me every week that truly did something to my body that words simply can’t explain. All these fringe topic questions I had suddenly stopped meaning anything to me anymore. I could care less now about these thoughts that used to plague my mind with essentially nonsense. My entire life started to change on a spiritual level. I didn’t care as much about money, power, materialistic items, and my personal image. Rather, I cared more about the parish I am dedicated to, and doing my best to live a proper life in accordance to God. My anger that I struggled with deeply, is now something I rarely have to feel anymore. All of this is because I submitted myself to Christ. I made the conscious decision to follow Christ every single day and walk the true life of an Orthodox Christian. I now feel what my overall purpose in life is, at least at this moment, and it’s simply to be the best Christian I can and to work in the Church. Everything else is secondary to me now. My business, my free time hobbies, everything else is now basically a secondary to me. I feel what St Maximus explains so well, moving within me. It only gets better the more I submit myself.

So did this journey make me rich, powerful, solve all my problems, and heal all my physical ailments? No, of course not. Walking in Christ doesn’t mean you become rich and powerful and perfect. It’s a daily struggle. The good news about this struggle is that the more you are willing to endure for Christ, the more you will experience Him and His plan for you. You cannot pick up your cross and think like an Evangelical that all of your earthly problems will be solved and all your relationships will thrive, or whatever other nonsense people preach. Jeremiah ended up being stoned to death by the same people he wept over while they were being persecuted. St Maximus had his tongue cut out and his hand cut off. 11 out of the 12 apostles were brutally killed for their faith. This journey with Christ is a struggle, and will always be a struggle. However, just like the apostles and Jeremiah, I feel at peace with God and work everyday to please Him to the best of my abilities and will continue to submit myself to His plan for me even if it kills me. For I know what lies in eternity is greater than what this world could ever offer me.

So, what did I really learn? Everything and nothing at the same time. I learned that submission and humility is everything as a Christian. Also, through this submission and humility I find that I am nothing without Christ. If I truly want to find my purpose in life, if I truly want to be happy, I need to humble myself and completely submit myself to Christ and His Church. I needed to stop asking so many questions and start listening. I needed to stop watching YouTube, and start praying. I needed to stop asking for things that I want, and start asking for the wisdom to submit myself to God so I can accomplish what He wants. There’s so much noise now that silence became deafening to me. I was genuinely afraid to sit in silence with my thoughts without checking my phone every 2 minutes. Now, I look forward to the silence. Silence isn’t silent when you’re talking with God. However, it is the silence that allows you to hear Him. How can you hear the one who calls you if all you’re doing is listening to everyone else? You have to tune everyone and everything else out in order to truly tune into God.

So, if you’re like how I was and you’re lost or confused about your faith, my best advice to you is to actually seek God. How do you truly seek him? Submit yourself to the Church and the Church will show you the way. If you have a million questions like I did, and still do, you’ll never get the answers to them if you keep avoiding the humility of complete submission. You have to say to yourself “I am not in any position to question God and I need to fully seek Him if I want the answers I’m looking for.” Put down your phone and pick up your prayer book. Turn off the music and turn on an audio book from one of the Saints. Stop watching people debate online and go help your local parish out in whatever aspects they need help with. Christ washed the feet of his disciples, and you can’t attend Liturgy consistently? How can you expect God to show you anything if you are completely ignorant to what He is calling you to do? You want His help but won’t submit to Him. You want spiritual healing but you’re consuming filth across all realms spiritual and physical. Get into Church, partake of the Holy Mysteries, and live as an Orthodox Christian. Watch how your life begins to transform into something you never thought possible.

God knows you, God loves you, and God called you. It’s time to answer and get to work. God bless you all.